linuxmafia.com 2016/linuxmafia.com.tar/linuxmafia.com/pub/humour/wichert/Americans should never travel

Text File | 2000-07-03 | 4KB | 79 lines

WHY AMERICANS SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO TRAVEL

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

"I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't
get messed up by being near the window."
"A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. Aftergoing
over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly
to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

"I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
to explain the length of the flight and the passport information
when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look
stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her
look like the stupid
one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in
Africa."
Her response ... click."

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting
an.ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible,.since
Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
map."

"Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.
When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour
lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he
said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive
between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No,
why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
minute while I "looked into it" ( I was actually laughing) I came
back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the
airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which
he replied,"I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
darn planes have numbers on them.

"A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A business man called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
this he said, "Look,I've been to China four times and every time they
have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to
Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words.
Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes,
what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some
searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked
up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus
anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows
where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of
New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo,
do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"